Those who ruin our favorite experiences…

Have you ever gone to your favorite place and someone else does something that just ruins it completely? Well, I have, and let me tell you about it. The other day I was just craving a Jamba Juice. You know when you just have a craving and you pretty much eat everything and anything to see if you can satisfy that crave. You are trying chocolate, a burrito, chips, popcorn, etc. And really in the end it just leaves you feeling bloated and depressed that you stole all the food out of the office fridge, and ate others people’s food that wasn’t really yours. Come on you all know you have done it! You see that little packaged pudding, and it is just screaming at you to snatch it up, shove it in your pocket, and eat it in the janitors closet so that no one sees you eating it, and so that you cannot be blamed for the pudding that disappeared? Go ahead and lie, but I know you have done, it and so I have I. Anywho, so I pretty much at everything at work that wasn’t mine, and then felt super guilty about eating such unhealthy food. No so much about the part where I at other people’s food, but I realized that my craving for something wasn’t gone. I sat and pondered on what I was craving, so I decided that I would go pass out fliers to the community (aka drive around and try to find something delicious to eat), and I came upon Jamba Juice. I thought to myself that this could be the key to my suffering. I could get a Jamba, which would soothe my craving, and allow me to work at the level that I am meant to. I walk into Jamba trying to convince myself, as I do every time that Jamba is healthy, it is fruity, and as I get to the counter I ask the girl who is riddled with pimples and looks like a 14 year old boy to make me a Chocolatemoood. Damnit it Brooke!! I have defeated the purpose of my health Jamba but whatever. As I sit and wait, I notice that this girl is sitting at one of the tables with what I assume was her boyfriend. I glance down at her feet, and what do I notice… This girl has no shoes on!!! She is in an establishment where my Jamba is being made without foot coverings. Her feet are as black as the tar on the road. Her toenails are long and cracked. I do a double take at her face, because surely someone who does not wear shoes has to be a crazy person. I notice that she is a cute girl, probably high school age, and she is talking on the phone with her mother. She is explaining where she is, what she is doing, and who she is with, so I am assuming that she has a mother who cares about where and what her daughter is doing, so why in the hell would she allow her daughter to exit the home without foot coverings. I mean you can tell this girl has been walking around without shoes on for awhile. I must have really been staring because the girl gets of the phone with her mother, and she looks at me and says, “Do you have a problem with me not wearing shoes?” I look back at her, and I say, ” Why yes, yes I do. I came her to get a tasty Jamba Juice and now every time I think of getting a Jamba my mind will be tampered with the picture of your dirty feet. So thank you.” She was horrified by my response, I think she thought I would say no, but anyone who knows me, knows that I will just blurt out inappropriate things, and make people feel extremely uncomfortable. She paused and said, ” It is my right to choose not to wear shoes, it is a lifestyle.” I again, look at her with disgust, and I explain, ” It is a lifestyle to live in a van down by the river, not to taint my craving for Jamba Juice with your dirty feet.” Things were getting heated, thankfully the 14 year old girl/boy called my name for my Chocolate mood. I walk up to the counter and grab my order, I look down at the brown substance and cringe. I decided that I had given this girl enough of my mind, and that I would take my foot jamba and leave. I got into the car and realized that there was no way I was going to be able to drink my jamba, my mind had be warped and twisted due to the brown color and I was sure as soon as I took a drink I was going to taste feet. I opened my car door, and placed the Jamba juice on the cement and left the foot Jamba there. I think it is going to be awhile before I can go to Jamba juice, all because of this one girl who insisted upon entering a Jamba juice with no shoes.

I’ve Come to terms… I think…

     So I think that we all do things in life to assimilate to others. We do things to make us feel like we fit in, things that make us feel like we are a part of something bigger or better. Welp…. I have tried that several times. Experience one: I joined a sorority. Well that was a mess in itself. I joined thinking that I would make life long friends and have an experience that I would never forget. Well… it was an experience that I will never forget. I hoped that by joining I would become one of those women who was crafty, and trendy. You know the ones I am talking about, women who decorate for every occasion. St. Particks Day, Easter, Halloween, X-mas, and they go all out, spending copious amount of money on little trinkets, and when you walk up to their door you feel like you have just walked into a Pottery Barn magazine. I was hoping that is what being in a sorority would teach me. Well, I didn’t learn that. I learned that people pretend to like you as long as you say certain things, and pay a certain amount. There were some nice people that I met, and we are friends on Facebook, but for the most part, the rest of them pretend like they don’t know me when they run past me in SugarHouse park.  I guess I will never be one of those people, who fits into that sorority type category. I think I was too much of a bitch for them. I didn’t keep my mouth shut enough, and I didn’t act happy enough.

     I have to say, to explain just how I didn’t fit in, one year one of the girls had a Christmas party at her house, and it was a “Whoo,” party. Like, the Grinch Who Stole Christmas. Everyone was suppose to dress up as a “whoo.” And everyone did. Everyone looked so cute with their hair sticking straight up, in their cute little dresses and makeup done cute. This girl went ALL out… The plates, desserts, table cloth, and even the smell of the room was Whoo themed it fit together perfectly. In that moment I felt like I walked into an  alternate reality of a Pottery Barn catalog. So what did I do… I didn’t go as a Whoo, oh no, I went as…. The Grinch! I dressed up in all green and I shluped around all night, grumpy as could be! It was the best night ever!! The girl who hosted the party, had the party at her parents house, and this girls mother thought I was bat shit out of my mind! It was pure entertainment! I loved it. The best part of this whole story is the person’s who house this was. I won’t divulge it on the internet, but lets say this person is related to a huge religious figure in Utah, and there is me, in all my glory as the Grinch, not assimilating to my sorority sisters, sticking out like the sore thumb I am. I LOVED IT!

     After that party I was a little pushed out of the cool group, not that I was ever really in it. Later that year I got pretty sick and was put in the hospital. Usually when someone would get sick or hurt in the sorority everyone would make things, and take a gift or card. It was nice, but I never got anything, nor did I get any visitors. I’ll admit, I was hurt, I thought these girls were my “sisters.” Although, I let that slide, later that summer I broke both my ankles and was hospitalized for awhile. I waited, and waited, and I waited some more. No one came, no one called. I got the hint, the Grinch costume was not funny to them, so I figured I would part ways with these… girls. I wrote a letter of resignation stating in a very diplomatic way that I felt these girls were a sham, and had made me believe that I was going to be gaining life long friends by joining, and how wrong I was. I have not spoken to anyone in my pledge class for years. I realized I will never be a sorority girl and that is ok.

     So I decided to go back to my “old” life. At that time it was Halloween, and there it was again. The big smack in the face that I am just not like the rest. Everyone was dressing up for Halloween, which I often refer to Whore-O-Ween! We girls love to Whore it up. It is the excuse to dress up all slutty and no one can judge you. But me…. oh no! Not ME!! I decided that I would dress up as… A DINOSAUR! My mom and I sewed it together the night before Halloween. I was in a grey jumpsuit, and had a giant red sparkly tail and spikes all the way down my back! I was so comfortable and warm all night. And because all my girl friends ditched me that night to hook up with their Whore-O-Ween dates, I ended up walking home, but don’t fret, I was warm and comfy in my Dino suit, and no one was going to mess with me! The next year, even after losing a lot of weight, I didn’t dress up like a skank, I dressed up as a….. Wait for it…. A… Unicorn! It wasn’t until the next year that I dressed up as a slutty Mad Hatter, and I did enjoy that as well.

     As much as I enjoyed the Mad Hatter outfit I have come to realize that I am just not one of those people. I was at City Creek by myself and there were these two couples together, and the guys were in their True Religion jeans, and their wives were dressed to the nines. They were extremely attractive couples, but I had this revelation. I looked like shit! And I really didn’t care, I realized that I will never be like that, and I never have been. I sure as hell have tried. I have tried to do the trendy clothes, and getting dressed up to go to the mall, or trying to make my house look cute for every holiday, or having little parties that are themed and have themed treats, or make Pinterest projects. It’s just not me. I am too un-crafty, and too disorganized to do things like that. I am lucky if my hair is combed and my roots are  within the last two months. I love to wear basketball shorts, and a sweater. I walked into Tiffany and Co. while at City Creek, I think the security man at the door thought that I was lost, I thought he was going to tell me that Claires is down the walk way! I don’t get dressed up to go to the mall, I love my velour sweats, and flip flops, what is wrong with that Nordstrom?! Whenever I go into Nordstrom they look at me so strange and point me in the direction of the boys department!

It’s ok thought, I think I am coming to term with this whole situation. It has taken me years upon years to grasp this whole accepting myself. I am still trying to convince myself that I should just cut my hair really short since I just pull it up in a messy bun all the time anyways, but just can’t get passed the fact that I will look like one of the Hanson brothers who sing that annoying song, “MMMBop.”  The only thing that would throw people off are my boobs. I am sure they would think that I was a Hanson brother going through my transition to a female. Now that would really be terrible, and the people at Nordstrom and Tiffany & Co. would really look at me strangely.

     So all in all, I guess it is not all that bad. LOL In all reality it isn’t, I write this, because it makes me laugh how hard we all try to fit into some group. I have tried several times, and failed several times. I have realized that I am me, and that is ok, I like to be sloppy, and I have no crafty skills. If and when I get married it wont be a beautiful put together wedding where I have twelve bridesmaids and we sit and giggle before my wedding and talk about how lovely my life is going to be while we eat crumpets. No it will be like two friends and we will be pounding some serious liquor, peeing our pants laughing about all the funny things we have done, and how we have made it here. I am ok with that… I think.

Who Knew? Who Knows?

        I think it is a fair statement to say that everyone has had their own trials and triublations in life, but my question is, how many times have you expected your life, or situation to turn out one way, and it goes the completely opposite direction? Good or bad. It is interesting, I have shared my, oh so turned upside down dating life online, so I think it is pretty obvious that I have had some poor choices in dating. A year ago, I was in a pretty volitale relationship. Verbally abusive, belittling, deceptive, ugly relationship. At that point I figured that was the extent of what I was going to get. I figured I would just stick with it because I had made a pattern of choosing these type of people. I mean, let’s be honest, even after I had caught this person cheating on me, I returned more than once. Finally, once I grew a pair, and realized that I could no longer play the marter, and live in such an unhappy relationship I left. I realized that being single wasn’t so bad, so I adopted my puppy. Which probably was the best thing I ever did. Literally 3 weeks later after I decided to take my life back, my life changed. I had a date, with some guy, from provo, who was a cop, at Applebee’s. Sounded real boring to me. I did not really think much of it, I just figured it would be another story to tell. And in truth, it has been, but a good story. In a matter of three weeks I went from surrounding myself with a guy who sold drugs, had no job, had no car, couldn’t pay his rent, no education, was a liar, cheated, and was probably the most manipulative person I had ever met. To hanging with a guy who was a cop of all things, had a job, had an education, had a car, had his own place, was stable, kind, and respectable. Who knew?! I never would have thought my life would have made such a drastic change. I have never been happier. I never expected my life to be this way, I never thought I would get to this point.

      When I think about how much my life has changed in such a short period, I remember how thankful I should be, and how  I probably shouldn’t complain about the simple things. While I work 7 days a week and don’t sleep much, I am thankful that I get to come home to a new home, with a great guy waiting, who lets me sleep as much as I want, and understands that I am crazy, and cranky, and tells me that it is ok. He never yells, he never raises his voice, he just listens and is patient. He not only puts up with me and my shananagens, but he puts up with my family as well. He lets me have my cat and dog live with us, which he is allergic to, but he never complains. He is everything I am not, he truly makes me a better person, and helps me get through my pitty partys that I throw myself so often. While he attends them frequently, he always seems to remind me in the nicest way that I will get through this phase, just like I got through the last one. He lets me yell at him for nothing, smiles, and says, “Can we go inside now, so I can eat my Chic filet?” I can’t really stay mad at him for too long. I am lucky. This is better than I could have imagined.

With that said, I finish with this.

Thank you babe, you have turned my life upside down, into something I never imagined, and I am so greatful for that. I know that I am crazy, and loud, and obnoxious, and an emotional wreck, but you truly balance me out. I hope I can continue to grow and learn from you. You are the best thing that has happened to me in 26 years.

B

 

I think I can, I think I can…Oh screw it.

Why is it that when you get overwhelmed and stressed out, you calm yourself down and you get to that point where you feel like things are going to be ok, and then… something else happens?! This semester is pretty much hell on wheels for me. I am working 5 graves a night, then the 2 days I am off, I am working at my internship, and have class on one day. When and how do I sleep/catch up on rest? I have been searching for advice/help for a while and have yet to find it. I love it because I talk about it and people give you that, “oh I am so sorry that sucks.” With the look of, so glad it is not me! And do be glad it is not you! But I am searching for someone who has done it and succeeded without taking their life or worse dropping out of school. I am on my last semester, there is no way I am stopping, that would just be dumb. It seems though that I get two things, people who give you that look of, “oh yea you are screwed, there is no way you can do it.” OR the look and speech, courtesy of my father of ” people do it all the time! Think about people in med school. You are fine.” (all said in a gruff apathetic tone.) Well people let me let you in on a secret of mine. I have horrible, HORRIBLE anxiety and like a 5 year old child have no idea how to deal with stress or anxiety. Yes, yes like all crazies I am medicated, but it doesn’t really help my level of crazy. So here is the Sitch (situation for those of you who are not down with the lingo), I got to work today and some douche guy walks in and says, in an uber douche voice, ” Are you Brooke?” And let me say this, this guy and I have met and worked together at least 8 times before tonight, so first of all buddy, do the me the courtesy of remembering me, and not playing dumb. We have had full-blown conversations, while they were not very intelligent from his end, they, none the less were conversations, so you know who I am. We are not in high school, you don’t have to pretend like you are too cool for me, and have to pretend like you don’t know me. Anywhoo, I say, “Yes, I am Brooke.” He returns with, ” Oh so I am replacing you.” My co-worker and I were like, ummm what the F! I am thinking in my head, did I just get fired, and my boss didn’t even take the time to fire me! What the hell is going on. So I proceed to question the douche man, he explains, ” I am coming over to your unit and you are going over to my unit permanently.” Now let me explain about my job, there are different units in the hospital, and I LOVE my unit, and I LOVE the people I work with. Why the hell would I want to go to another unit?! Oh wait… I DON’T. So I look at douche man and I say, ” Oh well, this is a surprise to me, I have heard nothing about it.” He replies with, ” Now you have,” a response I found to be very curt and unnecessary. I could have slapped the doucheyness out of him, but I would have been doing him a favor, which I am not so inclined to do. SO, now I am sitting at work, having to work with doucheman tonight, and having the possibility of me moving weighing on my shoulders. I know, you ask, ” Brooke but why does this upset you so?” Well, I am socially retarded when it comes to meeting new people and working with them. When I get to know someone I am me, and have fun and am loud and obnoxious, but before then I go through a period of severe anxiety and stress for at least a week. (In all seriousness, I just have a hard time with new people) And this little news flash from Doucheman came at the worst time. I was just getting a grasp on the idea of school, work, and internship, and feeling like I can handle it, then this. I of course emailed my boss asking what is going on, hoping she replies with, ” Don’t worry Brooke, _______ aka doucheman has no idea what he is talking about.” But I have a feeling that may not be so. So needless to say, my night has not been so bueno, especially with the presence of Doucheman. Although, my nurse supervisor, who is a really cool guy, came up and whispered in my ear, don’t worry I wont let them take you from me, I don’t want to work with that retard! That made me feel a little bit better. So here I am, venting about my, “oh-so dramatic situation,” and yes, I understand that there are starving children in Africa, and homeless people, but WHAT ABOUT ME!? Can I be selfish for now, and let me anxiety and stress surround me? I am actually hoping it will drowned me so I dont’ have to deal with this! lol, jk! Relax I am kidding. So if you have any advice, or any stories which might make me feel better, except about children in Africa, then I welcome them. If you are going to tell me to get over, then I am going to tell you where to go… and it is not somewhere nice, so with that said, I am going to sit in the dark, at work, because that is what is required of me tonight, and I am going to mull over work and how much anxiety it causes me, school and how much it overwhelms me, internship and how much time I don’t have for it, and lastly, Doucheman, and how I can plot to injure him so that there is no one to replace me… all tips welcome…. unless I say so.

Driving…Not for the simple minded, which is most likely you.

I will be the first person to admit that I have road rage, and mostly just rage in general. The one thing that I can proudly say about my road rage though, is that it is completely warranted.  I find it so hard to understand why driving for a lot of people, (at least in Utah) is so Fing difficult. You get in the car, you push the gas, you push the break, you steer, and you follow the signs that are on the road. If the sign says 35, then go 35, don’t go 34, don’t go 32, and for all that is holy, for the love do not, do not go 25. If you find yourself ahead of me and you are going 34 you better damn well believe I am laying on the horn, to tell you that you are not only going slow, but that you are dumb and should not be driving. The other day driving home from work at 745 in the morning I am waiting at 13th east and 8th south right by East high to turn left. I am behind a little red Geo Metro. And…. lets be honest about people who drive Geo Metros… they are retarded. I mean really, if you have any self esteem you are not getting in one of those cars, not even to get a ride. The bus is a much more acceptable form of transportation. Haven’t you seen people who drive Geo’s. They are mostly looking down, or pulling their hoods or hats down really low so that you cannot identify them. Have you ever heard of a drive by or a crime committed in a Geo Metro?!    NOPE! Wanna know why?! The officer would be like, ” Well sir what kind of car was the person driving?” You would say, ” It was a very special kind of looking person officer, this person was driving a Geo Metro, a purple one.” That is because they only make Geo’s in two colors. Red and purple. While the description of the car would be extremely detailed, the description of the drive would be vague and very unhelpful, this of course is due to the hat and/or hood pulled so low that the drivers face was un-recognizable. This is why, when I injured the next person who pisses me off, I will be driving a Geo Metro. It is almost like people pay more attention to the fact that a Geo Metro is still on the road, than the fact that a human with some form of a brain chose to drive the vehicle. I digress…. so this little red Geo is infront of me and there are little school children headed to school waiting for the light to allow them to cross the street in the same direction that the Geo and I are going to turn left. The light turns green and we get a green arrow to turn. The children, ignore the green light that I considered a gift from God at 745am. And what does this little Geo do? It sits there and lets these inconsiderate, stupid school children cross. So…. what do I do?! I lay on my horn… literally, I put all my body weight on that horn. The man in the Geo throws his arms up, and the children, oooooh the children, they flipped me off. Oh, that is the wrong thing to do, especially after getting off a shift of working with people who I don’t want to be nice to but I have to be nice to them because I am paid to. Well, these little school children didn’t know what hit them. I had a clear lane on my right, so I quickly pull out around that stupid little Geo, and make a partial left hand turn, headed straight for these “children” who thought it was appropriate to offer me the finger. So, I figured that I would go right ahead and show them what happens when you piss off someone who works with crazies. I pull right infront of those kids and block their way across the street. I educated them and said, ” Let me tell you something your little shits, that green arrow gives me the right to turn, but guess what? You are blocking my damn way, and the retard in the Geo is too nice to honk at you ,which causes me a problem, and obviously you are just as special as he. Get the hell out of my cross walk, and I swear the next time I see you walking across the street in my cross walk when I have a green light, I wont stop, I’ll hit you just hard enough to knock you out of your white little Keds, and mess up your Zach Effron hair. They all looked at me like I was crazy, and I am. I drove on and was greeted with a red light at the next light, the little Geo pulled up next to me, he wouldn’t even look me in the eye. My thoughts, just another stupid drive who learned his lesson not to mess with the person who drives the White 4runner with the pink grenade. So, if you see me driving around or behind you, drive…. don’t text, because so far, I am the only person who can text and drive efficiently. Don’t even smoke and drive, it seems that people can’t multi task around this town and if you are doing it around me, I will lay on my horn, and I will go as far to get my lazy butt out of the car and tap on your window and inform you that you suck at driving. Weeeeeh, I feel better. I know what you are thinking, I shouldn’t drive, and you are probably right, but it wont happen, no one wants to drive me around because I just end up yelling at them about what a terrible driver they are. If I had a driver who was as aggressive as me, I would hang with him all the time, but I don’t, so… don’t piss me off, because I have actually gotten in an accident on purpose just to prove a point to a dumb driver. With that, I am going to drive home, luckily it is Sunday and all the kiddies are in their beds sleeping, but let us pray for all the other drivers on the road.

Hi my name is, Lindsey Bag of Rice…

     It is not very often that I find myself speechless, but this evening I found myself dumbfounded and feeling as if I were in the movie “Girl Interrupted.” I don’t know what it is about me, but at work I always seem to get picked out by clients who seem to be especially…. special. I will try to remain as politically correct as possible. So, the “special” clients always want to befriend me and hang out. This evening this was brought to my attention by my co-workers. They all felt the need to point out that my own personal strangeness must be oozing out of my aurora because I attract the special clients like flies on shit. This client in particular walked up to me and stated, ” Are you really happy here?” I replied with a simple, “yes.” She pauses and looks at me which a furrowed brow, and suddenly screams, ” You are lying Lindsey Bag of Rice!!” I ask her, who is Lindsey Bag of Rice. She elaborates to me that, that is my name she had given me. To be honest, I felt honored. That is a creative name, and when you say it fast, Lindsey Bagofrice, it almost sounds like a real name! I was excited by this. So, my new friend and I converse on topics that really mean nothing, and watch non-existent stars falling from the sky, while holding hands. Yes, people this is what I do for a living. I play pretend! But let me warn you before you enter this awesome job field! WARNING: Although, things may seem to be fine and cheerful while you are watching those non-existent stars fall, and talking about incoherent topics, things can quickly change. And I mean, fast. Within seconds I went from being cousin Lindsey Bagofrice, to a demonic spirit. My adventure was being narrated the entire time by the client. Suddenly I was a demon and then a police officer chasing her, and then back to a demon. Apparently I am a shape shifter which is cool, I mean, I have always said that if I had a super power I would want to teleport, but shape shifting sounds pretty sweet too. So any who, as I was being led through an imaginary world, it turns bad, I am being spat on, and being told, “Demon be gone!” I know you are laughing to yourself out loud, thinking of some movie where this cliché phrase has been inserted to make the audience laugh, but this was no line, this was serious business. BUT……… I couldn’t help it, I laughed too. Now looking back, I see that it was not very nice of me, but I do have to say, it quickly haulted our adventure to La La Land, which was good for me. But, good news, even though the adventure ended, my new name has remained intact and will forever live on.

Now… in all seriousness, while I do love my new name, and can find humor in this situation, it is a very sad situation to see someone this delusional. I have to say, this is why I love my job. I was able to sit with someone, even though it was a short while, and help her define what was truly reality, and what was in her head. It was a glimmer of reality, but she was there. The mind is an amazing thing, and at times, I find it to be very scary. Just that one organ in our body controls our entire perception of what is real, what we see, what we don’t see, and what we understand to be true. This also brings me to the topic of being grateful for the simple things in life. This is the time of year where we celebrate and spend time with our family and friends. I feel like working at my job is a constant reminder to be thankful for the things I have in life, even the simple things like, being able to wake up in the morning and get out of bed by my own will. and having the desire to live. Many people I work with, don’t even want to live, they find it impossible to find happiness in their lives, and a reason to go on. Many, like the one I speak of this evening, can’t even define the realm of reality. There are no boundaries of reality, everything is real, everything is dangerous. Imagine living in a world where you truly never feel safe. My job reminds me of the people I have in my life who I truly love and appreciate, and that I am lucky that they are not figments of my imagination, but a true gift. Unfortunately there are some that I wish would be more involved in my life, but they choose not to. So for the holidays, I am going to spend my time with those that I love and those who love me. Thankfully they are real and will continue to make my holidays and life more enjoyable. Enjoy the real things in life, and those that bring a positive reality to you. Happy Holidays.

Tis the season to feel…

Wow! It has been a month since I have posted, so so sorry to you mom, and the one other person who reads this.😦 I hope that this time of year finds all of you well, and that your Thanksgiving was grand. Christmas is quickly approaching, as is the end of my semester in school. This is what I blame my absence on, as well as the three groups that I was forced into by my professors. Of course I got stuck in the groups where all of my group members should all be diagnosed as professional idiots. Of course none of them did anything and left the work up to me. But I have to say, I did a bomb job on all the projects, and tests. All of them failed their tests! You ask how I know this. Well I am one of those people who pretends to be stretching or reaching for something when the tests are passed out, but in reality I am doing a little therapy exercise in class. It usually goes one of two ways. I am elated that I am smarter than the person sitting next to me because I got a better grade, and usually I will give them the look of, “ooooh, yea that is a bad score, you should probably hide that paper. Oh and don’t becomes a social worker if you can’t pass this test. Idiot!” Or it goes the other way where I see that the person has slightly scored higher than me. My ego takes a little bump, but I quickly rationalize. ” It’s ok Brooke, Bella ate a plant and had to be taken to the emergency room because she didn’t learn the first, or the second time that when you eat something that isn’t food you almost dies, or your OCD kicked in and you just had to watch all 5 new episodes of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, and eat the entire bag of Oreos, and the half gallon of ice cream.” Either way, I will be graduating and I like so many other students will have two bachelor degrees and still not be able to do a damn thing with them. So I plan on dooping the cop into proposing to me, and buying me a large Tiffany’s diamond ring on his oh so large cop salary. I am thinking I will tell him that I will pitch in $200 just to ease the pain in his wallet. Then once we get married, Ill pop out a couple kids and say that I need to stay home and put my degrees to work by beating my children and having CPS come out on a frequent basis so that I can keep in touch with my former classmates! Thank you college education!!!

     Speaking of my college education, I think it is making me go soft. All this social work bull is really getting to me. So I was on my way to work last night. I had slept all day, I felt good. So I must preface this with the fact that it is not that special time of the month, and I didn’t feel agitated or sad about anything. A commercial comes on the radio, it is an OnStar commercial. It is a woman and she presses her OnStar button and says, “I have just been in an accident, and the OnStar lady (by the way who sounds like a total bitch and totally uninterested with the fact that this woman has just been in a collision and is pregnant! The OnStar Bitch says, “don’t worry I will contact the proper authorities.” She then proceeds to ask, ” would you like me to contact your husband and connect you two?” She said this with a tone of hoping that the woman will say, “Oh no, it’s ok, Ill just let him know that I wrapped our car around a pole and killed our unborn child later.” Ha ha, not so, OnStar Bitch has to do her job and connect the couple over the phone. The commercial ends as such, with the couple talking and the husband saying, “don’t worry I will be there soon.” As soo as the radio commercial started, it had ended and I realize that I am sobbing, and I mean hysterically sobbing. This was the most sad and touching radio commercial ever. Now you say to yourself, “Brooke, did this really happen, are you really having emotional break downs in your car over an OnStar commercial?” Yes, I truly am, and I have decided that my medication is no longer working! What the hell is wrong with me? Well I think it is all this social work schooling. It has made me loose my edge. So what I am going to do around this special time a year is go downtown and out to Fashion Place Mall where all the merry people are shopping and who are happy and jolly, and I am going to make brash and mean comments to them. I plan on bumping into them and slapping shopping bags out of their frost bitten little hands. I am debating if I should drink some red koolaid and then spit in their direction. The red makes it a little more feastive! I feel that me making the effort to make my spit red is enough Christmas spirit that is needed. Sooo… Merry christmas, slap as many shopping bags out of peoples hands as possible and please for the love do not listen to that damn OnStar commercial! It will turn you into something that you never want to be.

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